Moving on is the acceptance of what has been done, forgiving the afflict-er and forgetting the pain.
When you have done all three, you will be ready to move on to life, love and independence.
I know moving on sounds simple enough, but it's a lengthy process and it is not easy, most of the time you will be so busy and caught up in life you wont know if you moved on until you take a look in your past.
Last week for example, I went on to my ex husband's facebook page, I saw that they had a baby; I cannot explain the joy I felt when I saw Colby holding his son. I realized I was truly at peace and had moved on, I no longer would hear his name or think about him and fly into a fit of rage.
As I move on, I feel my heart overflowing with love for everyone, I don't feel angry anymore. I use to say I was hurt but lets be honest, we feel anger not hurt.
We were sold a dream, a fairy tale of happily ever after and even though we knew they weren't perfect, we didn't care because we loved them, and love is stronger then anything. So when they broke our hearts and we finally realized love would only be a dream, we got angry, disguised it as hurt, but it is anger. Its anger that drives us want to raise our voice when speaking to them about the divorce, it drives us to call them names or insult their intelligence. The only reason we are so angry is because we still love them, not the person they ended up being, but the person we thought they were when we fell in love.
We spend most of our time wondering what happened to my best friend, why did they abandoned me, was this just a piece of paper or did our marriage really mean something.
I found peace when I stopped trying to figure out the why and accepted that it was happening, he nor I were a bad person, we just had a bad marriage and all things will come to an end for the betterment of all those involved.
Three years after my divorce, I find peace in knowing Colby is sealed to his wife and child, that he and his family are happy and God has been looking down on him and showering him with blessings as he has me.
When your heart starts to fill with anger, remember to love,
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
The beginning of the END
Most people would say they didn't see their divorce coming and I think if you are going through a divorce we are old enough to tell the truth. Before I ever said "I DO" I knew how it would end, that is not to say I didn't work to change the outcome, sometimes we try to hold on to the one thing GOD himself is trying to take us away from.
Before I continue, side note, if you want your relationship to work you need GOD, period. Even if you don't believe in a supreme being, you need him in your marriage, GOD in is simplest and most beautiful form is Love and without love, a marriage will fail.
5 Signs your marriage will end in divorce
1. You married for Lust not Love: and little do most people know there is a difference, when you love someone if they do things that hurt you, you will be okay with walking away. When you lust after someone, you feel like you can never go without them and the thought of losing them cripples you. Love should never leave you wanting, it should surround you and breath life into you.
2. Petty Arguments: cast out your pride, nothing should come between you and those you love, not pee on the toilet seat because they forgot to lift it up, nothing. If you and your partner are arguing over every tiny detail, you are missing the big picture. If a little wave can cast you over board how do you expect to survive a storm.
3. Selfishness: huge problem, you should wake up everyday and think how can I make my spouse happy not how can my spouse make me happy. If your focus is not on your spouse, they very well may choose someone else to put their focus on, not all but some.
4. Competition: now I have a very competitive spirit but you should never make your spouse feel like they need to compete with you. Marriage is a partnership, working together for the betterment of the team, not who can out do whom. Do not keep tally in your marriage of who did what, whether it is good or bad, do for them not for reward but just to see them happy.
5. Dishonesty: your spouse is your other half, you wouldn't lie to yourself, though some do, so you should never lie to your other half no matter what. Some would disagree but lying causes distrust, without trust a marriage will never work. If they do not trust your words, how can they believe your heart.
Now there are so many more reasons but these five will kill a marriage before it even has a chance to be considered a marriage. Money and all that come later, but if you see any of this in your marriage, stop it immediately or your marriage will end itself.
Before I continue, side note, if you want your relationship to work you need GOD, period. Even if you don't believe in a supreme being, you need him in your marriage, GOD in is simplest and most beautiful form is Love and without love, a marriage will fail.
5 Signs your marriage will end in divorce
1. You married for Lust not Love: and little do most people know there is a difference, when you love someone if they do things that hurt you, you will be okay with walking away. When you lust after someone, you feel like you can never go without them and the thought of losing them cripples you. Love should never leave you wanting, it should surround you and breath life into you.
2. Petty Arguments: cast out your pride, nothing should come between you and those you love, not pee on the toilet seat because they forgot to lift it up, nothing. If you and your partner are arguing over every tiny detail, you are missing the big picture. If a little wave can cast you over board how do you expect to survive a storm.
3. Selfishness: huge problem, you should wake up everyday and think how can I make my spouse happy not how can my spouse make me happy. If your focus is not on your spouse, they very well may choose someone else to put their focus on, not all but some.
4. Competition: now I have a very competitive spirit but you should never make your spouse feel like they need to compete with you. Marriage is a partnership, working together for the betterment of the team, not who can out do whom. Do not keep tally in your marriage of who did what, whether it is good or bad, do for them not for reward but just to see them happy.
5. Dishonesty: your spouse is your other half, you wouldn't lie to yourself, though some do, so you should never lie to your other half no matter what. Some would disagree but lying causes distrust, without trust a marriage will never work. If they do not trust your words, how can they believe your heart.
Now there are so many more reasons but these five will kill a marriage before it even has a chance to be considered a marriage. Money and all that come later, but if you see any of this in your marriage, stop it immediately or your marriage will end itself.
Monday, October 20, 2014
History
So for those of you that don't know I am a 23 year old divorcée, now I know your thinking but your a child when did you get married and the answer is when I was an infant. I was 19 years old, just placed my child for adoption feeling alone, I wanted someone that I could shower with my love.
So why marriage?, well he asked and I didn't have anyone else beating down my door. So after 3 months of, I wouldn't call it dating more like adequate sex, I got married. Of course we know how it ended hence the blog, my marriage was dissolved October 10, 2011, after almost nine months of marriage.
A month before it was official, my then husband was upset with the fact I was spending time with my friend Samantha, so he asked for a divorce and came about two miles from where we were living at the time to get my ring. Now if a person will travel that far, they shouldn't leave empty handed and so he left with his ring and I began my tirade, every moment I saw him, I reminded him just how weak I thought he was for asking for a divorce. Our relationship didn't end with the divorce cause we got back together after it was final, purely selfish on my end, I am not one to sleep around and since, I was already with him, I thought I would make him useful again till school ended.
So why the bitterness and empty feeling after he finally left, because I actually worked hard to make my marriage work. I knew I married him for the wrong reason but I didn't care, I could grow to love or tolerate him, I just wanted a family. So I cooked, cleaned, did homework and projects, switched around work, basketball, class and newspaper schedules; all for someone who in the end didn't want to stay because I didn't want to be a lap dog anymore. That and he had met someone in a history class that we had together, that only added fuel to my fire, if you saw what he originally (traded) me in for you would think he was an idiot.
So two years later, I am still not married, still no family but I feel more fulfilled and happier then I have ever been. I learned in order to have a successful divorce, you need to remember the importance of loving yourself more then the person that has chosen to walk away from you.
So why marriage?, well he asked and I didn't have anyone else beating down my door. So after 3 months of, I wouldn't call it dating more like adequate sex, I got married. Of course we know how it ended hence the blog, my marriage was dissolved October 10, 2011, after almost nine months of marriage.
A month before it was official, my then husband was upset with the fact I was spending time with my friend Samantha, so he asked for a divorce and came about two miles from where we were living at the time to get my ring. Now if a person will travel that far, they shouldn't leave empty handed and so he left with his ring and I began my tirade, every moment I saw him, I reminded him just how weak I thought he was for asking for a divorce. Our relationship didn't end with the divorce cause we got back together after it was final, purely selfish on my end, I am not one to sleep around and since, I was already with him, I thought I would make him useful again till school ended.
So why the bitterness and empty feeling after he finally left, because I actually worked hard to make my marriage work. I knew I married him for the wrong reason but I didn't care, I could grow to love or tolerate him, I just wanted a family. So I cooked, cleaned, did homework and projects, switched around work, basketball, class and newspaper schedules; all for someone who in the end didn't want to stay because I didn't want to be a lap dog anymore. That and he had met someone in a history class that we had together, that only added fuel to my fire, if you saw what he originally (traded) me in for you would think he was an idiot.
So two years later, I am still not married, still no family but I feel more fulfilled and happier then I have ever been. I learned in order to have a successful divorce, you need to remember the importance of loving yourself more then the person that has chosen to walk away from you.
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